Farming Sage Gifts

'Hey newbie. Just ease and squeeze, ease and squeeze!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

Dog stretching before a walk.

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"I hate 2:00 am feedings."

The Authentic Christmas.

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

Saguaro Cacti.

"There's everything you need to know about exercise in here." "Is there an osteopath's phone number in there?"

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"I'm looking for a book on how to raise kids easily, but I can't seem to find it anywhere..."

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Downward-facing dog vs upward-looking cat.

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'Maybe I'm not a failure — maybe I'm just a late bloomer!'

Wang Yangming takes a scroll of knowledge from a crane.

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

"My stupid yoga mat is broken!"

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

"When I said to fight back, I didn't realize the school bully you were referring to was the principal!"

'Apparently it's something to do with our methane gas output.'

"I'm 92 years old, Larry ... why in the heck would I plant perennials?!"

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.

"I'm really having trouble dealing with the global pandemic,economic collapse and cancellation of my weekly yoga class."

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

"Motherhood is wearing me out!"