Fantasy Home Seeker T-Shirts

'It's not often they come on to the market.'

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

'I seem to be on the range but 'home' is proving illusive.'

Turtle Home

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

House hunting is cruel.

"See, that's your problem right there - the roof is mostly sugar."

"This looks intersting. Three bedrooms, two and a half scratching posts..."

Affordable housing - Mum and Dads.

Mice Cutting Up A Cat's Tail

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

'And, as you can see, it is the perfect place to start a big family...'

Cinderella

'At least this means we won't need a coal mining search.'

'These online fantasy worlds are great fun. I can be ‘Dave the Accountant' from Birmingham.'

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

"We're interested in a five bath, one bedroom that's on the water."

'I wish I'd listened to Sarah Beeny now.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

Artist paints over his view of a factory

Australasia.

"You're going to love the 360 degree views with this one."

Your dream home

Just when all hope was lost, Kirby happened upon a vision shared by all homeless cuckoo birds - the abandoned clock.

'That's the sort of home I've always wanted.'

'Does it have plenty of closet space? My husband sulks a lot.'

You said you wanted an early American house AND it does have a few modern conveniences including central air and heating.

'Dude, I thought you said they would be topless!'

Twin Broom Witch

House viewing

"We find curb appeal very important."

"I'm getting a slight draught through the double glazing, you fitted for me."