Fantasy Entrepreneur Gifts

'You may have three mergers.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

Money Plant.

Lemonade Stand With Free Wi-Fi

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

S.S.dot.com

"If I've got to work for a tyrant . . . I may as well work for myself."

"We'll analyze the only thing left to analyze: what people throw away."

"You're just gaming down there? Shouldn't you be issuing your first IPO for some billion dollar internet enterprise you've created?"

'I begin to question whether this startup ever had venture capital.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Tea parties are passé. I'm opening a craft brewery."

"Let's all sing our theme song: 'I Love Venture Capital'."

"We thought about a restaurant and decided we were more of a bookstore."

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

"We'll up your medication and with any luck your delusions should significantly reduce!"

"C'mon. Just one more round of funding and I'll build you a horde that'll knock your socks off."

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

"Sorry guys, but your 'magic mind-reader' doesn't seem to be working."

"When you think of it, all you really need is one 3D printer to start manufacturing them yourself!"

Hugs 50 cents

"Your entire business plan is to get a loan from me?"

Your start-up team

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

"Buy my data $20"

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

"So what do you really think of my business plan?"

"Beware of start-ups with a negative cash flow."