Fantasy Critics Gifts

'Why is it that there are so many bedtime stories about stupid princes and princesses, but no cool ones about zombies and chainsaws?'

The Fourth Little Pig

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

The tooth fairy.

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

"All I can say is thank goodness for teleconferencing."

Dragon Hair-dryer.

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

ET Mishap

Lady of the bath...

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"No Frodo, we are still many leagues from Mordor. This is from a wildfire by I-5 west of Bakersfield."

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

Late BroomStick

More Reasons To Beware Of Dog

Boy and Bear and Monster

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

Ricky discovers only cartoon cats can fly.

"What the hell took so long?"

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

Newt sale

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

"Where the wild things were."

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

"Harry Potter and the People Who Care Way Too Much About Harry Potter"

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.