Fans Of Corporate Parody Gifts

"Make it flimsier and even more infuriating."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

Water company bonus.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."