Fan Of Witty Comics T-Shirts

"Mind if I have the guys over to watch some poker?"

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'He thinks he's the cat's meow ever since he was made department head.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

"He calls himself orange roughy, but I remember when his name was slimehead."

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Home Business - Wife.

Need to know basis

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

Play dead. We have to make them think their new sprays work.

Eskimos Rowing Out to Igloo

'You look lovely today.'

'You're sexy when your mind is somewhere else.'

Sheet Music

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

"We're heading south for the winter—any chance we can get the place again next spring?"

"I have no problem with reality. It's just the occasional intrusion of gritty realism that I hate."

"You're a plumber, I'm a doctor. Now that I've given you some free medical advice, how about stepping into my kitchen and fixing my leaky faucet?"

You must be this tall to bump head on sign.

"No offense..."

'...Dewey, you go long. I'll take th snap and... Ohhhh, man! Who just sprayed?'

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

Baseball signs.

'Between you and me, I'd rather be me.'

"Phil!"

'Thanks but we really can't accept...'

Honest Harry's Last Chance Pet Adoption...

'Oh, come on! you know I can't read.'

Bird Feeder Restaurant

'It's quite nice once your out.'

"I wish you'd shut that door! - Were you born in a barn??"

Penny for the Guy

'Watch out for falling archers.'