Fan Of Twisted Humor Pillows

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Bless You."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Friday The 13th, The Final Chapter.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Death, Pestilence, (Drugs) War, Famine.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

"Guys, guys! He's pointing at me! This is great, I've never been picked first before!"

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

Hey Doug just out of interest, did you run a reference check on that new guy?

'What are you implying?'

'How long have you had this death wish?'

'Nah, the Boss ain't in yet. Can I 'elp?'

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

"What happened to the hospital gown you were given?"

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

"How the 'Clint Eastwood is Stan Laurel's son' rumour started"

Your radio show this week was incredible. Buzz off. Who cares what you think? It was angry, vitriolic, sarcastic, mean-spirited, pessimistic. Do you mean that? You really were listening? I'm not giving a compliment. You're less horrifyingly objectionable than usual.

'Oh, drat. My cell phone battery is dead.'

"We're heading south for the winter—any chance we can get the place again next spring?"

"Sometimes good things just happen. Try not to beat yourself up over it."

Laughing Policeman: Insert One Prozac

Gravedigger

The Latter Day Wisdom of Solomon

Hell.

'Before we get married, Doris, there is something I need to get off my chest.'