Fan Of Ironic Humor Pillows

"Great news honey. I got that job with the highway department."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

End the Winter Blues

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'