Fan Of Ironic Humor Gifts

"Great news honey. I got that job with the highway department."

"I should circulate more."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

End the Winter Blues

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'More government surveillance!'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

The Thinker?

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''