Family Title Strategist T-Shirts

"Not so fast. I want to be called 'Nana'."

Cat in a tank...

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"When can I redeploy?"

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

"My dad put in a new security system."

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

'Except...That.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

"I've got him on vibrate."

'Text your father and tell him I'm not talking to him!'

"Of course he looks superior - he's the line manager!"