Family Timing Strategist Pillows

"We'd like the child to arrive in December so taking into account my wifes' ovulation patterns and our opportunities for intercourse we'd like her first check-up booked for next June"

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'Thanks for coming to this 12.01 appointment, but I'm afraid my 12.02 has now arrived.'

"We need to find another fall activity to do with the kids."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

man juggling career, home and children

Workaholics Anonymous - Hourly General Meeting

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"I haven't had smouldering, passionate sex for a while....could you put it in the diary for next week!"

"When can I redeploy?"

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

"You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

If I move Jen's ortho to Friday, it conflicts with Sam's clarinet, but I can't move that to Monday because Tina has soccer! Ugh, how do I line this thing up? Rubik's Calendar.

"My dad put in a new security system."

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

Life Tetris

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'Except...That.'

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

"I've got him on vibrate."

'Text your father and tell him I'm not talking to him!'

"Baldo! Pick him up!"

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

Sports Parenting.