Family Tale Listener Gifts

'try moderation next time!'

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

True confessions.

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

The Family Joules: Part 21

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

Children's Party

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"If she thinks I'm just gonna come running on home, wagging my tail behind me..."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'If I want to live happily ever after, grandma, do I have to marry a princess?'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

'It's a horror-comedy.'

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

"Oh I remember, it was a particularly cold day and your daddy whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It gave me such a warm feeling inside that I knew he was the one!"

'It's time you knew the truth. You're not my real son. You're a novelization.'

Scenes from a Vacation

"I'll give you a cookie if you promise to paint me as a pillar among women in your future memoir."