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'Well, he's not exactly germane.'

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Suffering from Cooties?

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Dad Trophies

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

'I want you to bring me one.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

Spider boy

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

'Yes, I'm proud to say all my kids went into boot camp as soon as they left home.'

"Bad Dog!!! You can't trust those chocolate labs."

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"