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"I'm tired of the Mom channel. Switch to the Dad channel."

Proud parent praise their child

Don't pay any attention to her father, Mark... He's just a little overprotective. He doesn't even know how to use that thing.

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

Suffering from Cooties?

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Dad Trophies

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

Their father would frequently have to barge in and pantomime to his kids that they were not being quiet enough as they pantomimed actual noisy children.

'I want you to bring me one.'

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"