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"Dad, can I borrow the gun tonight?"

'My uncle?!? I thought he was your uncle!'

'It must have belonged to Mom before she married Dad. He calls it his step-ladder.'

Spider boy

'You should pay a teenager to find our car. Daddy does when he loses it.'

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

"I'm doing fine but my parents got bad conduct marks again."

"Holiday time around our house is a nightmare."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

Suffering from Cooties?

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Dad Trophies

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

Yes, they are all dependants."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."