Family Comedy Lovers Gifts

"Dad, can I borrow the gun tonight?"

'My uncle?!? I thought he was your uncle!'

'It must have belonged to Mom before she married Dad. He calls it his step-ladder.'

Spider boy

'Yes, I'm proud to say all my kids went into boot camp as soon as they left home.'

'You should pay a teenager to find our car. Daddy does when he loses it.'

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

"I'm doing fine but my parents got bad conduct marks again."

"Holiday time around our house is a nightmare."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

Suffering from Cooties?

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

Dad Trophies

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

Yes, they are all dependants."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

Their father would frequently have to barge in and pantomime to his kids that they were not being quiet enough as they pantomimed actual noisy children.

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'