Family Secrets Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Mom, dad, it's time for me to know the truth. . . was I adapted?'

'There's something I never told you about your father, Billy. He was a lawyer.'

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

"One day you can participate in Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day as a parent."

'I've turned into my mother.'

"The Flying Wallendas at home"

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

Watergate is just the tip of the iceberg phobia. 'I have here secret government documents that describe the events leading up to Custer's Last Stand.'

It's time you know the truth about your father.

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

"Mom, Dad – I’d like you to meet Edna."

"Baldo, let everyone know that Tia Carmen is in the hospital!"

"That's your uncle Colin. He's the black sheep of the family."

Boris Johnson related to Mummy

'Sparky's amazing ability to speak to humans betrays him...'

'The first one didn't work. I need another goodnight kiss.'

"If you have a boyfriend, I have some advice, young lady! Wisdom that's been handed down from generation to generation!"

'Now you're older, we think it's time you knew that both your father and I and you are adopted.'

'We've traced you back to the cartoonist who drew you.'

What's your question for Ask Sadie? What's the most humane way to get squirrels out of my garden? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time one of my ancestors had a similar question. Ironically, she was a spunky flying-squirrel-like creature who prayed to the great acorn to do something about the triceratops that kept stomping her magnolias. My advice: Go great-acorn on those squirrels!!! Did that really happen? It's family lore! I don't question it!

"She has her father's eyes!"

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

"Goodbye Sweetheart. No matter where you go in this life, or what you do, always remember that you signed an N.D.A. with us."

Boys watching a christening

"And that's how great grandma braided her fish."

I think that Sadie might be my long lost sister. I have a sister who lives in Boca Raton, FL., who is the mirror image of Sadie. Do you think that God could have made two of them and one got separated at birth? - Caroline R. Actual reader letter. Don't be absurd. Even a divine entity could not have created two women as comely as I am, and ... And? I might have a twin sister! According to a random letter that sounds facetious. To be continued.

"And this was the man I thought was your father until E-Z Pass records proved that he was in New Jersey when you were conceived."

A chip off the old block

"Yes, Henry, you were adopted."

'Mum,are we born from an egg?' 'No honey. People bring us at night'

'I swear, everyday you get a little bit more like your father's, father's, father's, father's, father's, father.'

"My kids understand me. I've offered them the same disadvantages I grew up with."