Revealing Family Secrets T-Shirts

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

True confessions.

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

Children's Party

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

'There's something I never told you about your father, Billy. He was a lawyer.'

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

'If I want to live happily ever after, grandma, do I have to marry a princess?'

'It's a horror-comedy.'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

"Oh I remember, it was a particularly cold day and your daddy whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It gave me such a warm feeling inside that I knew he was the one!"

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"I'll give you a cookie if you promise to paint me as a pillar among women in your future memoir."

"Before we begin, I think you should all know that I once smoked a reefer in 1935."

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

'I know I'm your father, but I'm also your attorney and these father-son talks are considered billable hours.'

"Read it again, Daddy!"