Family Satire Lover Pillows

'You know at some point we have to stop swaddling him, right?'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

"Bottled or breast?"

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Our battle with Covid-19 has been a triumph."

'You kids stop fighting or I swear, I will turn this banana around!'

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"Amanda, did you throw you shoes away again?"

'It's so embarrassing. My mother had my tadpole tail bronzed!'

"I've decided to accept my legal counsel's advice and take the fifth."

'Could you direct me to the balloon animal enclosure?'

"Thank you, honey, for your vote of confidence in our parenting decisions."

"Grandma is really nice but she makes a mean cookie."

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

"Sure you take off with the flock and leave me here stuck with the kids!"

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

Mythical Family of Four

"We're just pleased he can still get into the Christmas spirit."

"When you said I'd 'Really clean up' when Grandma visits I didn't know you meant my room!"

'I'm busy. Can't you make it yourself?'

'It's your turn, dear.'

"Mom, all I did was fall off my bike and skin my knee."

"I don’t have a photo of a caterpillar leaving its cocoon, but here’s my dad leaving his hammock after napping."