Family Satire Fan Pillows

'Forget that! This is my lifetime get out of jail free card!'

"Since we won the lottery, all I've been getting is begging letters..."

Suffering from Cooties?

"The president says there isn't a flood. What's the harm in humoring him?" "Hey! Would somebody pull Lindsey up for air?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'I want you to bring me one.'

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

'Mom, was Dad your number one draft choice?'

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

"Everyone relax. I've just downloaded the 'Find-Your-Remote' app."

Thank you for visiting us again Son... Can I still call you Son? You are so handsome now...

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

"No, William. This is your new little brother, Christopher. Not William 2.0."

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'