Family Life Commentators Gifts

Human Cull: Parents who bring their ill-behaved children to movie meant for adults.

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Blues for now.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Our Troubled Chowders

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

How it started: How it's going

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"Yeah, work is tough, but nothing compared to coming home and stepping on one of the kids' legos."

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"Well done, doctor. I've never seen a phone removed from a hand so skillfully before."