Family Commentators Gifts

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

Consistent education is important!

"They grow up so fast."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Why Superman flies himself

"Neversource"

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"First the artillery softens them up. Then the armored division moves in, followed by the infantry. And remember: we're dealing with hardened asylum seekers."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

Self Checkout

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

NHS Stabbing Ward

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

Too Stupid Not to Fail

"Yeah, work is tough, but nothing compared to coming home and stepping on one of the kids' legos."

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

'I'm sorry, but we're letting all of you go. Your jobs have been outsourced to India.'

"I know I say it in every episode, Carson, but the world is changing and we have to change with it."

"I hate when this happens."

80 years ago. Food comes farms. 40 years ago. Market. Kids today don't understand. They think food comes from the supermarket. They don't realize it comes from farms. Present day. Kids today don't understand. They think food just shows up in boxes at the door. They don't realize those boxes come from stores.

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'

'I envy your metabolism.'

Corporate Ladder.