Family Law Aficionado Gifts

"In the settlement, I got both houses!"

'Next item: who gets custody of the dog?'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Violent Crime Statistics

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

Musuem. Galileo did an experiment by dropping cannonballs from the Tower of Pisa. I wonder what he discovered? Personal injury lawsuits!

Lady Justice.

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Remember - do not try to plant the seeds from these apples. They're intellectual property, and they're copyrighted.'

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

It Looks Like Trumpty Dumpty Got His Wall After All.

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

Baby's first words.

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you marking your territory is legally binding in a boundary claim dispute."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

Two lawyers in a royal court

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."