Family Holiday Fan Gifts

'Are you the guy who ate my brother?'

My First Camera

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

At the market

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet.""This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet."

Santa's wash day.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"'Course I've seen one before...but never one that ate peanuts!"

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

Holiday Travel.

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

'Can you read this one for me? I have a book report on it tomorrow.'

"These are wonderful, precious years before he learns that he's benefitting from institutional racism."

Rudolph's off-season side hustle

'Look, mom! They ran out of trick or treat candy, so they gave us these kittens!'

'Has he been out with your mother by any chance?'

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

'Hey, wait a minute!'

'We can't win. Mum keeps telling us to play quietly, and when we do, she thinks we're up to something!'

"We moved here for the schools."

'No wonder you're more tanned than I am - you are nearer the sun!'

Freak Family.

Going to the pub with kids...

"I love Boxing Day"

My dad's teaching me how to mow the lawn, fish and use the grill, I'm teaching how to Google, text and use an ipod.

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."