Family Guilt Tripper Pillows

My Gay Son Never Calls

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

Mom's Diner: I do and do and do for you and what thanks do I get? How about your business? Is that too much to ask?

"If it was HIS food dish that was empty... I know I wouldn't be able to sleep!"

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"We always see a spike after April 15th."

'Just stop listening to Public Broadcasting, and your guilt complex should clear right up!'

"You know, you're not just cancelling a magazine subscription. You're stabbing print media in the back!"

Later that day, little Johnny got in big trouble for playing with them.

Introducing...Superegoman!

'If you text for a glass of water one more time, Daddy's going to take away your cell phone.'

"Wait a minute. Isn't tonight the water conservation rally?"

"It's someone from your past who gave birth to you, and raised you, and sacrificed everything so you could have whatever you wanted."

"When I think about my mom, it hurts here."

Dads.

'Wait a minute -- you did all this stuff in a VIDEO GAME?'

"Do you really need a resource-sucking, ozone-depleting, planet-killing bag?"

"I hope you realize that I'm the one who has to write about this stupid vacation next fall."

Balloon Kids.

Best sellers. New releases. Books you still haven't finished yet, Claire.

"This is a charity calling. Please stay on the line for the voice of human kindness."

'I strive to remember people's names to make them feel guilty about forgetting mine.'

"Over the river and through the woods, to self-esteem-undermining grandmother's house we go..."

'Every time I come here, it ends up a guilt trip.'

"There better not be anything in there about the lust of food."

'I have access to thousands of books with the push of a button...of course I feel guilty about not reading the Classics!'

"Okay, I feel guilty...you're reading and I'm watching TV."

Woman Browses Section Labeled "Guiltmaking"

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

'I have not been able to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I'll give you £200. If I still can't sleep, I will send you the rest.'

"Go … get … your … mother."

"Wow - I didn't know you could put that much guilt into one sentence."

"Apparently it's a Californian Guilt Transmitter."