Family-focused Professionals Pillows

'Management are very keen to introduce family friendly policies...we're very keen on helping staff balance or with family commitments.'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'My mom says we're expecting a house guest for 18 years.'

"Your daughter called—you promised to play phone tag with her today."

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

"We're having a problem naming him. All the domain names we like are already taken!"

Proud Mum.

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

"I've spent so much time with my family that I've started to lose sight of what really matters."

"Let me tell you what it's like to be seven in this city."

Old School Call Forwarding

"Another problem is that I haven't had dinner with my family for a week."

"I don’t care if your daughter gave it to you for Father’s Day, Glen – get rid of it."

'These figures on parental leave are truly shocking...'

"Marry you? This is so sudden, I don't know what to say!"

'Just a minute while your father figures this out.'

'Okay, Mum said no, but if we can get to Dad before she has time to brief him, we could still turn this into a yes.'

"Last, but not least, give my child a seat by the window so I can see her on my drone camera."

I Wooden Be Anything Without You

'Typical family rubbish bin if you ask me: No chips, no chocolate, but lots of discarded vegetables...'

'We tried solar, we tried wind, and now we have a little nuclear reactor out back.'

"Our family. We ran out of room years ago."

Interview panel - '...and what makes you the best member of my family for this job?'

"So...what do you think of babies?"

Angry White Males.

"I thought we had the sort of relationship where 'please' and 'thank you' were implicit."

"I've always been driven to succeed. Usually by my mom."

'There are serious disadvantages to having children...they grow up!'

"No darling, a 'wolf whistle' is never a good sign, it's always predatory behaviour, even if it's not from an actual wolf..."

"Yes, we're osbourne rich, but, no, we're not Olsen twin rich."