Family Finance Funny Gifts

"It's a good thing you brought your car in when you did, my daughter needs braces."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

I can't believe It!

Dog Beginning For A Loan

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

Ace Borrowing Company (formerly Ace Loan Company)

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

Jerry, times are tough. I'll take your iou for $75 only if it's written on a $100 bill.

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

"Okay, I can offer you a loan with a 75% interest rate and serfdom for your first born. It's a great deal and I'm only offering it because you're my son."

Coudl I go to jail for something I didn't do? I didn't pay my income tax!

Got Customers?

'Frankly, Charles, I'm having a hard time handling our investments'.

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

More toxic assets.

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

'Today, a downturn in 'social conscience' stocks on news that 'nice guys finish last'.'

Cash Machine pulls a face at a customer.

'You've got to help me, Doc -- My Diner's Club card is maxed out!'

'My husband will be able to pay you, as soon as he covers the call options he sold in the pet food aisle.'

"Here's the sick squid I owe you. . ."

"Bloody building society keeps hassling us about the mortgage payment."

Cupid views his online credit rating.

'Could you please hurry, Teller, I need to make a deposit, and quickly.'

'I need a loan for a bypass. To bypass my wife. She holds the purse strings.'