Family Feast Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Sarah has two mommies and both of them are good cooks."

'I mean, what's a mother for? We had our Thanksgiving early so I'm bringing my dinner here for you.'

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

"I say we move on to dessert."

Stuffing the turkey.

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

"You've all been like a company to me."

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

"Ok, Griffin — let him see Mom’s roast!"

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

Non-wall St merger: Mom's Home Cooking...Pop's Cafe!

"You heard your mother. There's no need to bless the superfoods."

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

Adult Table - Kids Table - Kids' Friends Table

"I remember a simpler time when the Sunday dinner tables were divided up for the adults and kids."

"Funny how we never seem to run out of vegetables."

"More aphorisms, please!"

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

'Noah, your arc ruse was a great success. This was the best feast ever.'

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition