Family Dynamics Connoisseur Gifts

"Flood defences? No. In-law defences? Yes."

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

Black and white penguins with gray and black and white child.

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'Grandparents! This time last year I wasn't good enough to marry your daughter, but now I've fathered the brightest child in the universe!'