Family Dynamics Connoisseur Pillows

"Flood defences? No. In-law defences? Yes."

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.