Family Dynamics Aficionados Gifts

I like the Jets...I guess

'Kids! I've asked you to clean up you bedrooms 7 times now!!!'

'And finally. To my Nephew, Sid, who never laughed at my jokes, har de har har!'

'Junior's been bullied ...'

'No, the divorce isn't your fault. Of course, you didn't help things by finding Daddy with Mrs. Ferguson.'

Family Photos - Christmas Special

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"Mom, when do I get my own room?"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."