Family Dynamic Investigator T-Shirts

'I just feel like we have nothing in common any more.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

Common Core Family Therapy

"Having nannies really changes you."

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

He wanted a different one.

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

Origins Of Evolution

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

I think it's time he left home.'

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'