Family Dynamics Detective T-Shirts

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

"First, I did things for my parents' approval, then I did things for my parents' disapproval, and now I don't know why I do things."

Jocasta Mothering.

"He just threatened to put us in a nursing home this time and I think he means it this time...."

'Kenny,your mother and I have decided it's time you knew the truth - you're adopted.'

"Stop it, Mom!"

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

"What's wrong? You're not looking at your phone while you're talking to me."

'I grew up in a very untraditional household. My mom wore the pants in our family. . . which is why dad got arrested a lot.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

'He's so annoying,even my in-laws dislike him!'

'You are such a drama queen! Heaven knows where you get that from!'

'Boy, your mother has a temper!'

Child making demands

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

"Wow! Wait'll I tell Dr. Feldman about this dream!"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

$1: Family Secrets

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"Having nannies really changes you."

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

He wanted a different one.

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'