Family Dynamics Detective T-Shirts

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

"First, I did things for my parents' approval, then I did things for my parents' disapproval, and now I don't know why I do things."

Jocasta Mothering.

"He just threatened to put us in a nursing home this time and I think he means it this time...."

"Stop it, Mom!"

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

"What's wrong? You're not looking at your phone while you're talking to me."

'I grew up in a very untraditional household. My mom wore the pants in our family. . . which is why dad got arrested a lot.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

'He's so annoying,even my in-laws dislike him!'

'You are such a drama queen! Heaven knows where you get that from!'

'Boy, your mother has a temper!'

Child making demands

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

"Wow! Wait'll I tell Dr. Feldman about this dream!"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

$1: Family Secrets

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Having nannies really changes you."

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."