Family Counselors Gifts

"Poor thing. All she knows is war."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'Progress of a bookshelf'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Relationship Warning Lights

"You've changed."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"How do I love thee….? Let me count the ways…" "I'm going to want a recount."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"You're completely screwed up."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'