Family Conversations Pillows

"When I was your age, I was fifteen."

"No, son, Daddy and Mommy never did drugs."

"Dad, how much does it cost to get married?" "I don't know, son. But it's less than a divorce."

"Some day I’d like to raise the cost of living."

'What kinda nuts are we, Dad, rightwing or left?'

"Baldo, a young man like you might have a lot of questions...about feelings, emotions...not knowing what is right and wrong. Remember, mi'jo...I'm here if you need me."

"Your sobrino sure sounds happy...all because he kissed a girl?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

A family with mustaches talking on their cellphones.

"How about a hand."

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Dialogue

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

A lesson in wit

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"That's in case Mum skypes me."