Family Communication Pillows

'This is our home's communications center.'

'If you have any complaints, can you come to me before posting them on Myspace?'

"That's in case Mum skypes me."

"Dear Grandma, Mom told me I should write you a letter cause you don’t have a computer or cel phone like regular people. Dad said, Old people like getting letters in the mail. All this is making me so sad. Thanks a lot Grandma! I miss you. ❤️ Sofi"

I need to figure it to break it to my parents that I understand about death. I''m going to sit them down and tell them that I understand our cat Magus died and that's why her body stopped working. I'm going to explain that death is a natural part of life and that they don't have to treat me like a baby. I get it. If they're still feeling upset, I'll offer to take them out so they can buy themselves a treat. If all else fails, ice cream.

"This year we're skipping the Christmas letter and going for a barrage of robocalls."

'I understand all about sex, Dad...But what good is it?'

Text our brother to let hm know dinner's ready...

Would it kill you to text your mother once a week?

"Dude, I did enough talking with my dad today to last for a week!"

When Jews put their phones on silent

"Yes mother - I AM wearing clean underwear..!"

"Say NO to drugs."

"As a fellow parent, which do you think provides more father/son time? Texting or email?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Lynching on social media

"My email is down... talk to me."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'How fast can you hype?'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Campaign for Plain English

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"