Family Talks Pillows

"Dad, you made mistakes when you were my age, right?"

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

A family with mustaches talking on their cellphones.

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

"That's in case Mum skypes me."

'All those in favor of getting a canary?'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

Interpreters.

"Moses, it's your mother. It's the only way I could get hold of you. You never call."

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."

"Dear Grandma, Mom told me I should write you a letter cause you don’t have a computer or cel phone like regular people. Dad said, Old people like getting letters in the mail. All this is making me so sad. Thanks a lot Grandma! I miss you. ❤️ Sofi"

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

"Hello mother. . ."

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

'Now you call? Now that fierce competition has reduced long-distance to little more than a cheap, unprofitable commodity. Now you call your mother?'

'I would like to have a little talk with both of you!'

"You've been avoiding me." "Have not, Uncle Mort." "For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered." "Coincidence." "What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window?" "Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn't want to go through what I went through in 1994." "I was just going to say one thing about the 30th anniversary of the OJ Simpson 'trial of the century!'" "You would think the 'trial of the century' would've been the Nuremberg trials!"

Text our brother to let hm know dinner's ready...

"Daddy, which group of economists did you support during the recession?"

"Mom, Dad, this is my therapist, John, whom I've told so much about you."

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."