Faithful Foodies Pillows

Four Questions of the Seder

Faith-Based Tuna Casserole

'Brown or white?'

Fox News.

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Church Basement Foodie

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

This Year's Spa

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

Acme Foods. Research and Development. Then it's an "no" on the Mexican Jumping Bean Dip?

"This might take awhile, Lord."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

"Should we try that new place in the corner?"

Interfaith dialogue

Repletion.

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'