Faithful Foodies Pillows

Four Questions of the Seder

Faith-Based Tuna Casserole

'Brown or white?'

Fox News.

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Church Basement Foodie

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

This Year's Spa

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"This might take awhile, Lord."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

Repletion.

Interfaith dialogue

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

"Should we try that new place in the corner?"

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

Waiting staff

All You Can Eat