Faithful Decorator Gifts

The Bathroom of Jesus and His Bride

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"I love these old decorations!"

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'Huh. Where'd all my birthday decorations go???'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

Santa's Party Trick - mishap with decoration juggling.

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Hang on- I'm receiving a textured message."

'The holidays are about to be thrust upon us, Edgar, are you prepared?'

"Room for bigger presents."

"We'd like some scenes from Genesis over here, followed by David composing the Psalms over there, and at the end, let's have Abraham pointing the way to the coat room."

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

Super glue . . .

Flower lamp.

"This one will go with everything,

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

'- and this is the drawing room..'

"You went to Barneys without me? You slut!"

'That's what I call a boomerang sale. His wife takes one look and back it comes.'

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

"This is a great little vase! and now it makes me thing we should redo the living room."

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

"I know they're expensive, Evelyn, but like the saying goes...If the Jimmy Choos fit, wear them!"

God's lil' fix-it shop.

Celebrate EVERYTHING

Power and the Glory tools

Designer labels "I'm sorry, but I think I've forgotten your name."

'Days until miminimalism is over and we can get our things out of storage...'

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

It's the most wonderful time of the year...