Faithful Communicator Gifts

Usher about usher with metal detector: 'He's checking for cell phones.'

'This is God I Missed you in church last Sunday.'

"Lord, if my prayers are pleasing to Thee, please confirm by fax."

'You don't have to worry about using up your minutes.'

'Answer me! It's your mother! Don't give me that vow of silence!'

'...and you can read the rest of it on my blog.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

Words of Love

"I'll check and see if he's available."

"Don't judge me until you've walked a mile on my medication."

"I pick up on people's pain, Alexander. What's wrong?"

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"We'll less than two metres again, don't know where, don't know when..."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

We can do ANYTHING if we all work TOGETHER.

Follow God On Twitter

Men's Prayer Group.

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

"Your free-floating anxiety is floating over to me."

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"I've found my voice, Penny. It's deep, wise, and compassionate."

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"Oh, hello darling..."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but your sweaty hand is grossing me out."

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

Beaten up man to Good Samaritan: 'Thank you. My insurance doesn't cover roadside service.'

'Yeah, but I'd like to be led into temptation just once, to see how I'd do.'

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'