Faithful Advisor Pillows

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Priest

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'Okay - who leaked?'

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

Kid praying: 'If it's okay with you, don't record this one.'

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

Minister Starts at a New Church

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

Men's Prayer Group.

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

The church of our lady of wall street.

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

"You will not gain any sympathy from this court by offering to give one-tenth of your haul to the Church."

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

"It's amazing how far you can go with a positive attitude."

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

Words falling out of bible.