Fatherly Advisor Pillows

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

Warring parents

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

Mom's The Boss

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

"Second grade is tough, little brother. It's the year teachers no longer believe your dog ate your homework."

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

"DOES YOUR DAD ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT SOME STUFF THAT DOESN'T GROW ON TREES."

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"They grow so fast. In my day, you didn't become morbidly obese until adulthood."

"You told him he should start his own business."

'It's making me happy.'

'Have ideals, fine - bit never let them cloud your business judgement.'

'Principal Smith, this is a parent of a student in your school. I'd like to discuss my son's grades. Is this a good time?'

"Oi you two! What going on in here?"

'The Good Book makes mention of losers like yourself.'

'Is it for your wife or your girl friend?'

"I've been a child psychologist for twenty years. Based on my experience, and several sessions with your son, I believe what is needed is a swift swat on his rump!"

'You're not losing a daughter, Dad, you're gaining a son.' 'You're still moving out, right?!'

"My Mom thinks I should clean my room. I'd like a second opinion."

'Careful Darling, my mum always said 'beware of strangers bearing gifts'...'

"Can I can go to a party?"

"IF you want to get a girl's attention, ask if she likes to dance! Do the hustle!"

A man giving advice to his son

Street Bubbes

'Your father kicked in the screen and threw the set out the window. He feels violence on TV is a bad influence.'