Faithful Adjudicator Gifts

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Christian and Born again Christian...

"God works in mysterious ways."

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

'Is there something bothering you, besides sin, crime, hunger, that sort of thing?'

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

Jesus wept

Men's Prayer Group.

'This is the one - we want you to pray for this one.'

The church of our lady of wall street.

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

"You will not gain any sympathy from this court by offering to give one-tenth of your haul to the Church."

'Pray for peace... or war.'

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

"I won't ask you what you're using for bait . . . what are you using for a line."

Put it in writing!

Thomas Aquinas

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

God's lil' fix-it shop.

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

'Perhaps you need a more reverent prayer than, 'Come on, God, help me out.'

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

Power and the Glory tools

'Yeah, but I'd like to be led into temptation just once, to see how I'd do.'

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

Applause in a Church

"Do you offer a warranty?"

Turned the other cheek