Fairytale Nostalgist Gifts

'Bitcoins? Do you take me for a fool - I want magic beans.'

A Fairytale Update

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'What do you mean, you're tired of the rat race?'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'He was a handsome young prince when I married him.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

The Frog Prince

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

"Like that?"

"When are you going to stop blaming everything on Goldilocks?"

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

'Yes Mr Hare, you were right: He IS on steroids!'

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

"Define fair."