Fairytale Believer Gifts

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

". . . and they lived happily ever after. . . in an aspirational sort of way."

Mermaid

"You make wishes using pennies? No wonder nuthin' happens."

Shepherd and eurydice

A Fairytale Update

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"If I can't ask for more wishes, how about more genies?"

Here be dragons.

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"Well, that one got away."

Rape of the Lock- The Dream

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

'What do you mean, you're tired of the rat race?'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

The Frog Prince

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

A woman drawing birds makes them fly around the room.

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."