Fairy Tale Enthusiasts Pillows

"It's true. You were actually born a beautiful princess, but you were given to us to be brought up... and there's not a damned thing you can do about it!"

"Who's the fairest of them all, not using instagram filters?"

'Allow me to place this glass flip-flop on your foot, Cinderella.'

"...and you tell me that Snow White is still the fairest of them all!"

'What makes you think I tell really big lies, Pinocchio?'

Rachel Rapunzelstein

"Can I interest you in our anti huff and puff damage policy?"

"Gretel, I don't like living in this culture of fear."

"Remind me: are we trolls or ogres?"

"Hello. This is Sleeping Beauty in Room 306. I'd like to book an early morning wake up kiss please."

'So the handsome prince left the princess and married the woodchopper, and they all lived happily ever after.'

"The book wasn't intended to hurt my stepmother - it was to help myself and others like me begin to heal."

The fourth little pig

The little old lady who lived in a shoe looks into a mobile home.

Not tonight I'm washing my hair.

"This must be where the tooth fairy goes to window shop!"

The one bathroom problem for the seven dwarfs.

Let's all be fairies.

'This is the last time I bid on a job for the Seven Dwarfs.'

'Special order, the Bears are in. I need three porridge. One too hot, one too cold and one just right.'

'It says here that everytime someone says they don't believe in fairies - a Tenor dies...'

'Alright then, smarty pants - who is the 1,596 th fairest in the land?'

'It's not a house made of straw. It's affordable housing.'

"Well, to be perfectly honest, the dream of every gander is to marry a goose that lays golden eggs..."

"Someone's been hacking into my computer, too, and now I'm a lifetime member of Hot Wet Coeds."

"You're not the sleeping beauty I fell in love with."

"This whole forest is getting unbearably gentrified."

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

"I've really hit rock bottom."

"What can I do? The princess isn't on our list of specialities."

Acne fairies

"That was good, but less tongue next time."

"These days I'm not allowed to eat you, so I'll be forcing you to cook my favorite New York Times recipes."

"I remember when this was all forest..."

Goldilocks and the Three Stooges.