Failsafe Fixer Pillows

"I had to improvise"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Cyber disease.

"We will indeed be facing numerous enraged customers."

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

Wife to doctor about husband: 'It was a freak accident. He was doing some work on the house.'

"That's not the real me."

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

'If we happen to experience deja vu, let's make sure we do some things differently.'

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

'When you're done fixing the furnace, could you gather up these Demons From Hell that escaped?'

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."