Failsafe Fixer Prints

"I had to improvise"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Dr. Miller like to show off his ability to remove a full set of braces in one quick, bare-handed, jolt.

Cyber disease.

"We will indeed be facing numerous enraged customers."

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

"That's not the real me."

Wife to doctor about husband: 'It was a freak accident. He was doing some work on the house.'

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

'If we happen to experience deja vu, let's make sure we do some things differently.'

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

'It's our last resort.'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'