Failed Venture Enthusiasts Gifts

A planet like ours - desert piano tuner.

Profit

'Our company has hit an iceberg and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

Decision Making Block

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

"My ship had finally come in. . . then it sank!"

'Well, yes I can see there's definitely potential for growth.'

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

'This is Adventure Capital! You want Venture Capital two doors down.'

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

Please Visit My Website: www.downonmyluck.com

We have an all volunteer workforce, and we're still losing money!

"The cat walking business didn't go anywhere! Neither did we."

How much did you lose when the stock market tanked last week, Randy? Nada, little buddy. A real man never invests in other people's businesses, he only invests in his own. If you lose on stocks, it's because you didn't research them enough. If you lose on your own business, it's because you gave it your all and it just didn't work out. Ladies see valiant failure as being way hotter than poor-research failure. That's from chapter 12 of my new book, "Randy 'The Rock' Taylor's guide to manvesting."

"We're a startup. We're looking for someone who can yank this cord."

'Turkey dot com.'

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

Cupid Co. Valentine's Day Special Offer. For centuries Cupid had a monopoly in the falling in love business. But dating apps were making him obsolete. So he formed a company combining his matchmaking knowledge with online marketing techniques. Perhaps the biggest factor in the enormous success of Cupid Co. is the no questions asked return policy when a customer thinks an item is not as advertised.

I'm on a productivity drive.

it's his way of easing into full retirement.

"Mr. Saltee"

"That's the first dollar I've ever made. Someday, I hope to make another."

A painter drawing a ship

"Why didn't I think of that?"

'You're in great shape! You've got years of hostile take-overs ahead of you.'

'Because you're not a boy genius with a billion bucks - THAT's why you can't wear a hoodie to work.'

Quite the entrepreneur...

Today, business expert, Professor Ernie, will answer questions. The first is from an upholsterer who has lots of business but loses money on every order. The problem is that you're covering everything except your costs! The owner of a baseball team wants to know if you he should re-sign the team's best player, the league leader in double and triples. I don't think he can afford the high base salary. And a perfume company is struggling to survive. Their strategy has been to only produce exo

"Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury."

"I'll probably hate myself in the morning."

'Then it's moved and seconded that the compulsory retirement age be fixed at twentyfive'

Stock Market. A bull market is charging ahead. A bear market will eat you alive. We're in a kangaroo market - it just keeps hopping up and down.