Failed Interview Gifts

'I'm sorry, but you haven't got the job.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'How fast can you hype?'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

How are you at decision making?

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'